Sinking Ships

Believe it or not, there are other things I plan to write about aside from Wonder Woman. I was honestly thinking of taking a small break from Wonder Woman subjects, but I'm figuring I may as well get most of what I want to say out of the way.
And besides, this one is actually rather topical.

So, if you've been following DC recently, the latest stink regarding Wonder Woman is this...

Oh yes. This.

A lot of people love the idea of Superman and Wonder Woman hooking up. They're both icons, super-strong, paragons of virtue, and their costumes have a similar costume scheme. It just makes sense.

And that's the problem. It makes such sense to the point of being completely and utterly boring. The truth of the matter is the relationship between Wonder Woman and Superman is vapid, shallow, and hollow. The ship is completely void of any genuine passion, romance, or chemistry. It's born out of cold, lifeless, mathematical logic, based on nothing more than the idea of these characters—because he's "Superman," and she's "Wonder Woman," it just makes sense they go together.

People like contrast, and when writers try to contrive contrast between the two, it usually only misrepresents either or both of them. They emphasize that Clark is just a simple farmboy—and make him look like a yokel. They play up that Diana is a warrior and...I've already gone over that. They emphasize that she's a product of magic and make Clark look like a befuddled doofus who is helpless in the face of it. Superman excels when he's playing the rescuer—so Diana gets jobbed out so he has someone to protect.
The fact is they bring nothing to one another and their interaction is utter stagnation.

Many fans will herald Kingdom Come as the proof Clark and Diana belong together, but all that story proved was that Clark & Diana are each others back-ups. Clark's perspective was, "Well, Lois is dead and Diana's right there." And Diana's was, "Well, I'm lonely and Clark's right there."
That isn't two soul-mates finally coming together. That's two old people settling because they've no other options and would rather not die alone.

For me though, it was Infinite Crisis and the lead up to it that really killed the idea of Wonder Woman & Superman (or Batman) being destined lovers. Frankly, Clark and Bruce's actions during Infinite Crisis makes me question whether these people are even that good of friends.

For those who don't know or don't recall, a brief recap of what was happening to/with Wonder Woman during Infinite Crisis—as succinct as humanly possible:

In a fit of extreme, but not entirely unjustified paranoia, Batman secretly created this super-satallite called Brother Eye to spy and gather data on other super-powered people—fellow members of the Justice League in particular—in the event one of them might turn evil or go rogue. 

Unfortunately, Brother Eye was hijacked by Max Lord, who used it to control an army of cyborgs called OMACs designed to kill superheroes and, more importantly, hack into Clark Kent's computer. Max, being a telepath capable of mind control, proceeded to subliminally take control of Superman's mind with the intention of using him as a weapon against other heroes.

When Max finally made his play, he sicked Supes on the Justice League, almost killing Batman in the process, leaving it up to Wonder Woman. After fighting Superman, she cornered Max and tied him in the Lasso of Truth. He then explained, in no uncertain terms, his control of Superman was absolute and he could do it anytime from anywhere—and the only way to free Superman was to kill him (Max). Seeing no other choice, Wonder Woman complied and snapped Max's neck.

As we know, both Superman and Batman have a strict "no killing" policy and were appalled that Diana took this option and basically wanted nothing to do with her. Meanwhile, with Max dead, Brother Eye went Sky-Net and took it upon itself to avenge him—first by broadcasting his death to the world, making Diana look like she murdered a helpless man in cold blood, and sending the OMACs to attack Themyscira. 

Wonder Woman, knowing how bad this all made her look, initially turned herself over to the authorities and was awaiting trial until she learned of the OMACs attacking her home. Since no one was helping the Amazons, Diana went on her own even though she was warned doing so would make her a fugitive. 

Guh. Brief, right..?

So what do we have here..? Wonder Woman's life is pretty much falling apart all around her. Her reputation is being trampled, her people are being slaughtered, and she's forced to become a fugitive. And where are her two "best friends," Superman and Batman, during this whole thing..? The two guys different sets of fans insist are her soul-mates..?
Nowhere to be found. They turned their backs on her because she made an unpleasant choice in a situation they put her in.

Robert McKee writes, when discussing how to create characters, "True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure—the greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation."
And this whole thing revealed something about just how much Diana really means to Superman. I've no doubt Superman would do anything for her...as long as it's easy. As long as it's simple, black & white, and preferably involves punching things. But introduce some ambiguity or gray area and he wants nothing to do with her.

But there's something more insidious to this relationship unveiled during Infinite Crisis. Specifically, Superman's insistence that Diana's not human. Because the big thing with Wonder Woman during the story was that she is apparently not human and doesn't understand humanity. And the big pay-off of Infinite Crisis for her was she gets a secret identity, because that would somehow help her understand us mere mortals...or something.

Problem is, if you actually follow Wonder Woman, Diana has never had a real issue with that. Writers like to play the, "I'm an alien. I'm not one of the humans," card with Superman and have him brood because they think having him angst about it will make him relatable. But Wonder Woman doesn't see herself as above or separate from mankind. The woman worked in a fast food restaurant for god's sake.

But here comes Clark, insisting Diana isn't human and she doesn't understand humans. And the solution to this "problem" she has is to create a secret identity, just like him, and he's all too happy to help her do it. And even if Infinite Crisis isn't canon anymore—frankly I have no fucking clue at this point—this is pretty much the basis of their new, current relationship in Justice League. Diana doesn't understand humans because she's not one of them and Clark has to teach her, because he's not human either, and this is supposed to be something they have in common.

Does no one see something very wrong with this?
Superman is projecting his own insecurity onto Diana and manipulating her into believing this is something they share. He is conditioning her into believing there is something wrong with her that he can help fix.
That's not romantic, Clark. That's not charming. That's emotionally abusive and cruel.

Now, I know there are Superman fans out there who may feel obligated to come to his defense and I wouldn't be surprised if many are saying he shouldn't be written that way.
I agree!
If I may go on a slight tangent, I have to say I really hate it when writers try to milk the, "I'm an alien" bit to inject angst into Superman. Just in general, I despise the mindset of, "Need your character to be relatable; just add angst!" But yes, you are an alien, Superman—an alien that happens to look like a Caucasian male, with a chiseled physique, and you have an American white-collar job. You are not an outsider, sir. You were raised in Kansas, for fuck's sake—you're more human than I am!

But I digress. For as much as I don't like the Wonder Woman/Superman ship—for as dull, vapid, and lifeless it may be—there is one good thing I can say about it:
It's not the Wonder Woman/Batman ship.

This ship really first saw light in the early 2000's as a sub-plot in JLA. Wonder Woman and Batman—for some reason that was never adequately explained—suddenly decided they might, kinda, sorta, maybe be attracted to each other. As you might guess from that little summation, this sub-plot was incredibly contrived, based on nothing, and involved both Diana and Bruce acting really out of character.
Also worth noting is during this time, Hush was going on in Batman's book. During which, we saw Bats finally pursuing a relationship with Catwoman—even revealing his true identity to her and letting her in the Batcave.

So, not surprisingly, the first attempt at creating a Wonder Woman/Batman ship went over about as well as a lead balloon filled with rocks. The sub-plot was resolved—though dropped like a stone would be a more accurate description—in JLA #90, where Diana basically declared it wouldn't work out, Batman kind of just shrugged, and they moved on.
And there was much rejoicing. Until shortly after, when the animated Justice League Unlimited series began teasing the ship.

Like the Wonder Woman/Superman ship, the Wonder Woman/Batman ship is hollow and vacuous. But where the Superman thing is based on lifeless math, the Batman thing is based on fan-wank.
Wonder Woman belongs with Batman because he is the Goddamn Batman and he is so awesome and it's only right that he be the one who gets the "best" woman. How adorable.

It's this mentality that paints Wonder Woman as this virginal prize for the coolest Justice League member to bang first. Superman should get her because he's the best hero. No, Batman should get her because he's the coolest. No, Green Lantern should get her because his sales are up. No, Aquaman should get her because he could use the push.
(By the way, that Green Lantern bit—not an exaggeration. I honestly saw someone on a message board write that.)

Some might say Wonder Woman needs to hook up with a normal man with no powers. Similar to Superman with Lois, she should have the presence of a normal human being to ground her. Fair enough, but what makes that have to be Batman? Actually, let's repeat that sentiment: she should be with a normal human. Key word: normal. Batman does not—would not—ground Wonder Woman.

All that stuff I said about Superman during Infinite Crisis—turning his back on her, berating her for not being human, etc—oh, Bats was right there alongside him. In fact, Batman was even worse. Aside from the fact he created Brother Eye and it was his fault Diana was even put in that position, at least Superman kind of seemed to be conflicted about the whole thing. Not so with Bruce. As far as he was concerned, Diana crossed the line and that was that—she was dead to him.
And that whole secret identity thing at the end of Infinite Crisis..? Who do you think set up Diana's fake ID, passport, and government job for her? Helpful ol' Bruce Wayne because, like Clark, there's something wrong with Diana that he needs to help fix.

So many times has Batman proved he regards Wonder Woman with little more than disdain. He constantly condescends and patronizes her. He's openly mocked her beliefs right to her face. Batman's interpretation of Diana's beliefs is, his words: "Spread peace and understanding, but don't be afraid to bloody your knuckles doing it." More than once he's said this, and the fact she hasn't smeared his sanctimonious face across the wall is a testament to her tolerance.
She's just an asset to him. A thing that can either be helpful or not, and needs to be monitored and controlled.

And as for Justice League Unlimited—even if that wasn't a separate continuity, this relationship is appalling. We have a Wonder Woman that's clingy and throwing herself at Batman because he's just so awesome even though he clearly doesn't care about her. People will insist he was, "hiding his true feelings for her," but that's a load of crap. He didn't give one single god damn about her. This Little Piggy, you say..? As if he'd have done any less for any other member of the League.
Legend has it, the real reason the developers of the show went in this direction was because they didn't know what else to do with Wonder Woman. So, since they were so in love with Batman, they figured they might as well have her worship him.

And the animated universe confirms this itself. There was this exchange of dialogue from an episode of Batman Beyond:
Bruce Wayne: When I was young, women used to throw themselves at my feet all the time.
Terry McGinnis: What did you do?
Bruce Wayne: Step over them.
Terry McGinnis: Smooth.
Bruce Wayne: I thought so.

Who's one of those women he's talking about? Who's one of those women he had to "step over?" Diana. That's how Bruce remembers Diana, guys. That's his view of the symbol of female empowerment. Just some dumb broad he couldn't be bothered with.

As of this writing, the next big story is going to be Trinity War. Rumor has it it's going to stem in some way from Wonder Woman and Superman's kanoodling and Batman being unhappy about. So naturally, the shippers of the world are speculating it's going to be a love triangle.
Oh, dear.

Meanwhile, I hear over in Wonder Woman's title they might be leading to a ship between her and Orion. I wonder how that's going...

Happy days, my friends. Happy days.